Short Response Four

Growing up I experienced a lot of anxiety, confusion, anger, and a mixture of low and high emotions. I would be extremely happy one moment and the wind could blow and I would go into an controllable rage the next. Other times I would be so depressed that I would not get off the couch. I comtenplated suicide often and actually attempted it twice. Luckily death at such a young age was not meant to be for me.

Some doctors would say that I inherited these mental and emotional issues from my parents. Depression and anxiety run on both sides of my family, and my mom's oldest sister was Bipolar. I knew in my heart of hearts that I did not want to live like this and I truly believed that I did not have to. I asked my mom for help one day and I began to see therapists and take several different medications. One doctor told my mother that I was just an overacting child. Several other doctors said, however,  that I defintiely exhibited signs of being Bipolar, though I was never formally diagnosed. I remember every emotion and outburst, every harmful thing I did to myself. It was agony for me and everyone around me.
My life was an emotional roller coaster. Up and down, up and down. I did my best to wear a mask around my friends and family so they couldn't see the real me. I tried to swallow down all the pain and confusion. I remember the Soul Asylum song Runaway Train. Although my experiences were not like the people shown in the video, the words were metaphors for my experience as I truly felt like I was on a runaway train.

Around the time when I was 21, one of my aunts on my mom's side, who had been on medication and in therapy for depression for years, suddenly got off her medication and stopped seeing her therapist. She had finally found a way to understand herself, her emotions, and to control her life. After reading every book by every guru and trying every self help course available, one day she went to a course called Avatar run by a company called Stars Edge. This group of people, headed up by a man named Harry Palmer, had figured out through years of study how to understand human behavior and how to teach people to take control of their lives back. She let go of her depression and the things in her life that she let bring her down. Yes, this is actually possible. I did it myself.
Harry Palmer, and other like minded researchers, studied the concept of psychology in the Eastern and Western senses, the effects that people's beliefs had on them, and the importance of compassion towards others. They did this to find the tools necessary to help this world become compassionate again and not so individualistic. They wanted to help people control their emotions and the way they experienced their lives. They created the tools so that people could use them if they choose to. When you are in the state of mind of depression, anxiety, or any other mental condition you believe that you have no control. It is a medical condition and there is nothing that you can do about it. This is because your will power is weak and you give into the emotions allowing them to define and control you. I experienced this and did not like it and chose to change it. I went to several of their courses and I turned my life around. The Aerosmith song Amazing then became my theme song. While the video has nothing to do with my life, the words ring SO true to me!

When I finally graduate from college I plan to have a degree in Developmental Psychology.  I do not want to be a typical Psychologist though. I am doing this to have a better understanding of the human mind and child development, and because you have to have a degree in order to put yourself in a position where you can help people. I want to either be working for myself in a non-profit organization or for John's Hopkins in some fashion.  Maybe in the Children's Center. I want to eventually have a center of my own though, that teaches the tools that I learned in Avatar to children so that they have them to use if they choose to.
Imagine having the tools to create your life the way you want at an early age. Avatar teaches adults how to be compassionate, to understand and accept the things that have happened to them, and to create what you want from that point forward. I want everyone to have the opportunity and option to be able to grow up and create their life as they go, and not to have to turn around in later years and do it. My goal is to give children the tools to handle every situation in life, good or bad. If they are faced with an amazing opportunity or a sad time, they will have the power over their own emotions to choose how to react and handle it. If I had understood beliefs and emotions when I was younger, my life would have been very different.